Where to from here?

by Anna Blanch on September 10, 2011

I’ve spent some time lately realising how easy it would be to throw myself a pity party. It would be easy. So easy it’s prompted me to explore poetry again.  I think that’s my way of seeking a way to express one aspect of this experience. I’m trying to avoid descending into pity and complaints and frustration about dealing with a bout of post-viral fatigue that I’m probably spending too much energy on trying to avoid appearing like i’m whining. Hence, the attempts to avoid the self-pity is a self-perpetuating cycle! Yet, there is much good in life, that isn’t about me not being able to run my favourite trail, or spend time with friends and meet all my commitments.

swaddling clothes and aching limbs,
puts me in the mind of greater things;
yet, like before I must resign
myself to estimates unmeasured by
words mangled or uttered.

It’s crazy how the days roll over me. The other night as I was cooking dinner I found myself dancing in the kitchen. And i realised that I was happy. really, really happy. maybe it was that i managed to have a normal day at work, that the King James Version symposium on Transpositions that i’ve spent the last few months coordinating was coming to fruition, and I arrived home to two wonderful packages: one to nourish the body, the other the mind and spirit; both will nourish the soul.

It was a seriously good day.

The next day I woke early with grand plans to finalise one of my thesis chapters, prepared breakfast and then was overcome with exhaustion and joint pain. Seriously?!

It’s not the worst pain i’ve ever felt. I have a high tolerance to pain. But it’s weird. Weird because i get brain fog and joint pain. I’m hoping it’ll pass with time. But my thesis and my teaching commitments wait for no woman (and certainly not post-viral anything).

I’ve got a PhD to finish and a job to find and decisions to make about which country to live in. Two Thousand and eleven (Anno Domini) has been one seriously tough year. I guess now’s about the time I need to “harden up” and stand tall, all while praying. I’ve learned a great deal about who I am and what’s important to me this year. And that I wouldn’t exchange for anything.

Though seriously, this not being able to work as normal thing I could really do without.

It’s all about perspective.

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  • Adele

    Hi Anna,
    I just wanted to encourage you to hang in there. I'm going through very similar circumstances myself, I've had to suspend my PhD for six months after struggling for the last three months with my chronic fatigue. But God has been very good and gracious through it all even when I'm tired, frustrated and disappointed. So stay strong and I hope this phase passes quickly!

    • http://goannatree.blogspot.com Goannatree

      thankyou so much, Adele. I appreciate the encouragement immensely. I hope you too soon feel healthier.

  • http://bethanyslettersfromhome.blogspot.com Bethany

    As my Quaker friends taught me to say, I'm holding you in the light, Anna. I think your cottage by the sea and my pecan-shaded rooms are quite nearby in the neighborhood of eternity. I pray that pain and fog pass, allowing you to work well soon!

    • http://goannatree.blogspot.com Goannatree

      Bethany, I covet your prayers and appreciate your thoughts a great deal – more than i can express. many hugs, A.

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