Get Real

Or maybe that should be “getting” real.

I’m trying to “get” real. I mean I am real. But I’ve struggled with the balance of this project, Goannatree, as a space where I do write about my professional interests in theology and the arts, and literature, and photography, and writing and teaching in the university context. I’ve hesitated on bringing personal perspective to much of this. Emotions are messy, right? One “shouldn’t bring their personal life into the office, right?

“But, yet I wonder if this attempt to “be professional” hasn’t left me appearing wooden. Yep, I care about my profession. I want to be a good teacher. Part of being a good teacher is constant professional development. I think this. Then why am I so afraid to write about the good, the bad, the ugly, the fears and the little successes? Why can’t I just “be” in this crazy moment?

After all, there’s a reason why my professional interests are my professional interests, because for the large part, they are also my personal ones.

Yes.

I’ve already made many decisions that have led me to a point where I can say that there isn’t much divide between my professional and personal interests. I don’t leave the work at the office. I enjoy what I do in part because it is about life and important questions. Big questions. Real Questions.

But every day requires decisions about what that means.

And I have to remember that blogging and how I engage with digital media in a professional and personal context isn’t based on a set of defined rules.

I like rules. Partly because I like to know when I’m breaking them.

Then, when I break them it’s a considered decision.

But when there’s no rules, I find myself confused. I like parameters and guidelines.

I’ve enjoyed this project developing in its very early days as a travel blog (that was way back in 2001 and hopefully has been lost to the abyss of the blogosphere) but the name Goannatree came in 2007 when I moved from Canberra, Australia to Waco, Texas. By mid 2008, this had developed into a scholar-blog, largely because those were the posts that seem to interest a wider variety of people; besides, I hadn’t really figured out what it was that I wanted to say about my expatriate life.

So where am I now? physically, in the cottage-by-the-sea in the seaside toon of St Andrews. But as far as this project goes, I’ve sought to offer a way to navigate my eclectic (dare I say, polymathic) series of posts. I’m aware that Goannatree can be confusing for people who find a “way in” with one of the things I write about, but where other posts are either a little esoteric or a little mundane – I have a weird mix of interests for sure!

I’ve grappled with this for some time. I guess it’s been about wanting to interact with people reading this and I’ve grappled with whether I’ve been trying to please others too much. But, I’ve had a online whack into reality.

That reality check?

I’ve realised that I want to navigate digital media in my own way. I want to walk a path consistent with what I think it means to be a scholar and a teacher. I have to think about why and how because there aren’t yet thoughtful guidelines. To be sure, there are conventions for the genre – but scholar-blogging is still relatively undeveloped.

I’m aware that many people worry about being taken “less seriously” in academia as a consequence of their extra-curricular lives and in some cases are advised to avoid a presence online. But is this really a reality? And is this ludicrous in the society in which we live?

I have my own boundaries about what I share with others – like everyone. I guess I’ve been worried about other’s perceptions of “oversharing.” But then me as an “oversharer” is likely to be pretty tame.

I’ve certainly heard that women are under much more pressure to be “taken seriously” within higher education. With the job market being particularly spare at the moment,  the anecdotes are sobering indeed.

I’m idealistic enough to still believe that my work (in traditional scholarly media and digital media) will stand for itself. And, if i’m serious about being authentic, then it makes sense to write about broader aspects of my life and work – especially questions, ponderings, thoughts and concerns. Blogging has taught me a few things about myself in the last year: some surprising things; for instance,  I’ve realised that I’m not naturally polemic – i don’t relish attacking other people by name and I’m not naturally inclined to controversy (I don’t get any kind of thrill out of it).
Why am I worried about showing weakness and vulnerability in day to day life?

Well, why wouldn’t I be? I enjoy reading other people’s blogs and I’ve been a huge fan of biographies most of my life. But I guess I’ve always been hesitant to write too much about my life, outside of the ‘life of my mind’! I do worry about getting a job. But,  like so many things I just need to “get over myself” and not “take myself too seriously.” Besides, there’s a crazy amount of stuff happening in my life – and I really want to get to a place where I’m not afraid of admitting that I have some fears and concerns because I’ve come to think that is in the experience of weakness and vulnerability where there is much common ground. Also, when joys and positive experiences are shared (and thankfully there are plenty of those) they’ll be more recognisable!

What are your thoughts? does the idea of sharing personal life stuff put you off what is otherwise a scholar-blog? or does it make the intellectual stuff more interesting?

Related posts:

Related posts:

1. I think I need to get a haircut and get a real job