chasing the sun

by Anna Blanch on May 9, 2012

The weather started to turn cold in the last few days. The crisp mornings have a chill that is making it harder to leave the warm of doona covers where the breath doesn’t fog. To be honest, it’s not that cold. It’s about what the average nice day in St Andrews was. But there’s no heating here and the doors (including the front door) have a couple extra inches of space. The house moves, so the space helps the doors not jam. But, it lets in the sounds of the neighbourhood and the cold air. My window isn’t air tight either. This is an old cottage designed to keep you cool in summer.

It’s not really that cold.

But, excuses are easier, than admitting that despite two solid weeks of good work, I struggle to feel good about the way I’m writing today.

For good or for ill, momentum is built anew every day.

I had some moments yesterday where I really just felt overwhelmed.

Do you have a go to person for pep talks?

I do. But they are busy at the moment. And I need to learn how to give myself pep talks.

They’d tell me to write one word and then another.

(using my own words against me is a favourite approach).

they’d tell me that they believe in me and that they know I can do this.

(it works better when someone else says it)

they’d tell me to look at what I have gotten done in the last week.

(and i’d feel a little anxious about all I want to have done).

then they’d tell me that everything is going to be fine because it always is,

and because they know I can do this.

And then I’d go take a run, or a shower, and pray while doing either.

Or sit in the sun in the doorway to the cottage, propped up against the front door.

This time next week I’ll be somewhere in the air between Singapore and London.

Right now, today, I have words to write, and cut, and mold and shape and harass.

I don’t have time to chase the sun today — that’ll have to wait until next week — it’ll just have to come to me.

______________________

Thought it feels like alot of my posts lately have been life unmasked! I warned you it might get a little Dear diary around here for a while, this post is actually officially my ninth Life Unmasked post for 2012. In addition to my seventh, Dream a little Dream, my sixth, living in between and the linguistic revelations between reverse culture shock, the fifth, Before the birds are awake, my fourth, Blessed are the encouragers, the third, Sleepless in the PhD wilderness, and second for this year, A naked theologian, you may find my last life:unmasked post for 2011, A journeywoman, and my first for 2012, I’m an inbetweener of interest. All my 2011 Life unmasked can be found on this handy list. You can thank Joy of Joy’s Journey for pushing me to get involved in this weekly foray into ‘writing naked.’

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